From sparking conversations to uncovering hidden desires, dreams can subtly shape the course of our relationships in ways we might not immediately recognize.
Recently, the team of ThePleasantDream came across a study that had some fascinating findings on how your dreams signify your love life.
To dive more into the subject, the team asked psychologists, psychiatrists, and sleep experts, and this is what they had to say about certain common relationship dreams and the underlying desires, fears, & emotions behind them.
Do we dream more about our partners or ex-partners and why?
Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, Certified Dream Analyst
I am unaware of any studies showing that one is dreamed of more than the other. I would say this is entirely subjective. We will dream of our current partners when there is an issue the subconscious is trying to resolve, and we will dream of former partners for various reasons.
It is also important to remember that former partners, especially after many years, can become symbolic of something else, in which case the dream is not about that particular person but rather something they have come to personify, such as betrayal, rejection, or desire.
So whenever something in your current life is causing you to feel rejected, for example, you may dream of the ex that first rejected you.
Lisa Lawless, C.E.O. and Founder of Holistic Wisdom
Around 17% of dreams from participants involved their current partners, with fewer dreams about ex-partners. Thus, this supports the idea that people dream more about their current partners than their ex-partners.
However, the content of dreams about current partners and ex-partners differs. Dreams with current partners tend to focus on everyday activities.
In contrast, dreams about ex-partners typically have more positive or negative associations depending on how the relationship ended and if the dreamer still longs for their partner or harbors anger or grief concerning
them.
Isabel Faye, Relationship Expert and Founder of Twin Flamesly
Our dreams often focus on our current partners due to their prominent roles in our daily emotions and experiences. Ex-partners may appear in dreams as remnants of unresolved feelings or significant past experiences.
Interestingly, positive emotions can sometimes be associated with dreams of ex-partners, possibly reflecting a sense of closure or acceptance. Conversely, dreams about current partners may be more mundane, reflecting daily interactions and current relationship dynamics.
Michelle Giordano, Community Counselor and Outreach Specialist at Live Another Day
Dream content can be influenced by a variety of factors, including our emotional state, experiences, and memories. Dreams about partners or ex-partners may occur due to the emotional significance of these relationships in our lives.
The frequency of such dreams can vary from person to person and doesn’t necessarily reflect current feelings.
Dr. David Helfand, Licensed Psychologist Specializing In Couples Therapy Retreats
About 60-80% of dreams are related to anxiety, and our brains subconsciously try to process it. An internal hallucinogenic substance creates dreams, basically the same as DMT. They make about as much sense as an acid trip.
Aliyah Moore, Certified Sex Therapist
Could the reason I dream about my current partner be due to their active role in my life? I’d suggest that could be the case, if your partner is deeply involved in your life and you share a lot of time and thoughts with them, these factors could contribute to your dreams about them.
But remember, it’s not always an indicator of a picture-perfect relationship. Could my dreams be helping me navigate through issues in my relationship? It’s possible. Dreams can serve as a space to work through complex emotions and experiences.
Now, I find myself dreaming about an ex-partner. Does that mean I wish to rekindle things? Not exactly.
Ex-partners in dreams often symbolize certain emotions or situations from your past. You might be dealing with lingering issues from that relationship, or your subconscious might be trying to reconnect with a particular time or feeling.
Ultimately, I encourage you to ask yourself, What is my personal interpretation of my dream? Since dreams are incredibly personal, their meanings can vary widely between individuals.
Your personal circumstances and emotions play a crucial role in interpreting your dreams. Always remember you’re the best person to unravel the unique meaning behind your dreams.
Does having a dream of our partner cheating on us affect our relationship in waking life?
Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, Certified Dream Analyst
This is one of the top 5 dreams I am asked about. It’s so common, not because infidelity is so prevalent in our relationships, but rather because the feeling of being left out or not being a priority is!
In my 27 years as a professional Dream Analyst, I have found that the most common reason we dream our partner is cheating is because there is something in the relationship that feels like a third wheel.
Usually, it’s work, but it could be anything from your partner spending too much time with their friends, working on a side hustle, or maybe even a new baby, now the object of affection.
So if there is no other reason to have your suspicions that he or she may be getting their pleasures elsewhere, ask yourself what it is that is causing you to feel left out or cheated out of the time and attention you want with your partner.
Once you identify it, DO talk about it because it is clearly bothering you. That’s why your subconscious was shining a light on it. But make sure you NEVER NAG.
Let your partner know you’re feeling a bit left out and offer up a compromise yourself: I’ll cut down on X if you cut down on Y. In other words, MAKE more time for each other.
Of course, you may also be getting the dream because there is infidelity in your past. If the infidelity happened in your current relationship, these dreams clearly indicate that this is an issue still alive within you.
The remnants are still there and need to be addressed with the help of a marriage or relationship counselor.
Suppose the infidelity happened in a previous relationship.
In that case, the dream may mean that you have brought a certain level of distrust or insecurity into your current relationship, or perhaps something is going on somewhere else in your life that makes you feel similar to when you were cheated on years ago. Is a friend, co-worker, or family member doing something shady?
Pinpoint when the dreams began because that is always a big clue. The dream will correlate to another unsettling or fishy issue that began simultaneously.
The main takeaway is that the emotion you felt in the dream is very real and exists somewhere in your real life, so narrow that emotion down: is it ultimately anger that you feel in the dream? Is it ultimately heartbreak?
Follow the thread to the core emotion in the dream, then ask yourself, what in real life, right now, feels the same to you? That is what your dream is addressing and trying to help you with.
These dreams are indeed upsetting but good for you because they are trying to help you improve your current relationship by illuminating what is wrong with it. As I always say, Dreams are messages from you to you, about you, to improve you.
Lisa Lawless, C.E.O. and Founder of Holistic Wisdom
Dreams can impact our waking life and relationships by reflecting our subconscious thoughts and fears. While they are not prophetic, they can serve to bring our attention to our insecurities or anxieties.
For example, attachment insecurity can lead us to worry about our partners’ loyalty, even when there is no basis for our concerns.
Thus, such dreams can be based on our own mental and emotional influences, but they can also be brought on by challenging dynamics in one’s relationships.
That is why it is essential to be mindful of what such a dream can mean to us and help us determine if the anxiety we experience around such dreams is something we need to work on within ourselves or if it is part of the relationship dynamic that may need to be explored.
If we decide to share the dream with our partner, we should do it in a way that doesn’t point fingers based on the dream’s content. Instead, consider the dream an invitation to open up a conversation to discuss the underlying anxiety the dream seems to be nudging us to explore.
Keep in mind our dreams are like echoes of our thoughts, not mirror images of reality. Don’t let them influence your relationship negatively; lean into the potential emotional undercurrents they might gently nudge you to address in a healthy, constructive way.
Isabel Faye, Relationship Expert and Founder of Twin Flamesly
Dreams of infidelity often stem from personal insecurities, fear of abandonment, or even feelings of inadequacy within the relationship.
They are not necessarily predictions or suspicions of actual cheating. In fact, if addressed properly, these dreams can allow couples to explore underlying emotions and foster greater trust and connection.
Open and honest communication about what might be triggering these dreams can be a positive step toward deeper intimacy.
Michelle Giordano, Community Counselor and Outreach Specialist at Live Another Day
Dreaming about a partner cheating can trigger feelings of insecurity or jealousy, but the impact on the waking relationship can vary.
Addressing any concerns openly and honestly with your partner is essential, as communication is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Dreams themselves aren’t necessarily predictive of real-life events.
Dr. David Helfand, Licensed Psychologist Specializing In Couples Therapy Retreats
Only if you let it, dreaming of a partner cheating doesn’t mean it’s happening, but it might mean you are nervous about it happening for any number of reasons.
Perhaps you have felt like you haven’t given them enough attention, or maybe you were thinking about cheating, and your dream is a projection onto them. In any case, the dream only impacts reality if you let it.
Aliyah Moore, Certified Sex Therapist
I’ve encountered scenarios where dreams have indeed influenced a person’s waking relationships. Let’s talk about a few.
Consider a couple I once worked with. One partner regularly dreamt about the other partner cheating. This created tension in their waking life, triggering feelings of insecurity and suspicion.
However, it’s important to remember that dreams are not reality; they’re often more about us than others. After a few counseling sessions, it turned out that these dreams were highlighting the individual’s personal insecurities and fears about abandonment. They weren’t about their partner’s actions at all.
Then, there was another couple where one partner had a recurring dream about being left at the altar. This dream caused significant anxiety and led to doubts about their upcoming wedding.
Upon discussion, it became clear that these dreams were more about the fear of change and commitment rather than any specific issue with their partner.
In both cases, the individuals’ dreams were manifestations of their anxieties and insecurities, not a reflection of their partners’ actions. We addressed these issues through open communication and therapy.
If you’re having disturbing dreams about your relationship, I suggest not jumping to conclusions based on dream content alone.
Instead, use these dreams to explore your feelings and communicate with your partner. If you’re finding it hard to deal with such dreams, consider seeking help from a professional.
Why do we see dreams of crush?
Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, Certified Dream Analyst
We tend to dream about what is on our minds the most, so if your crush occupies most of your thoughts, you are more likely to dream about him or her.
Lisa Lawless, C.E.O. and Founder of Holistic Wisdom
Our dreams reflect our subconscious thoughts, emotional needs, and desires. When you dream of a crush, it could reflect your innate yearning for love, affection, appreciation, acceptance, and validation.
These dreams can be a safe way for your mind to explore the possibility of a relationship without the burden of real-world risks.
If you have had conscious fantasies, thoughts, or connections that remind us of a crush, they are often filtered into your dreams. This is known as the ‘day residue effect,’ where our thoughts become integrated into our dreams.
Isabel Faye, Relationship Expert and Founder of Twin Flamesly
Dreams about crushes are a fascinating aspect of our subconscious, often symbolizing desire, curiosity, or unexplored potential. They can reflect a longing for certain traits or qualities rather than a specific person.
Understanding the nature of these dreams can help individuals gain insight into their own desires or needs within a relationship. They are not a call to pursue the crush but rather an invitation to understand oneself better.
Michelle Giordano, Community Counselor and Outreach Specialist at Live Another Day
Dreams of crushes often arise from a combination of attraction, desire, and the subconscious mind processing emotions. Such dreams may reflect your thoughts and feelings but don’t necessarily indicate future actions or outcomes.
Dr. David Helfand, Licensed Psychologist Specializing In Couples Therapy Retreats
I’m assuming you mean someone you have a crush on. It’s normal to fantasize in dreams, and having a sex dream about someone other than your partner is very normal.
Aliyah Moore, Certified Sex Therapist
Dreaming about someone you’re crushing on is common, and I’ve had my fair share of those dreams too. Those dreams show how much you’ve got that person on your mind, day in and day out.
Here’s the thing about dreams – they’re like a movie theater in our heads, playing out all sorts of scenarios based on our feelings and experiences.
So, if you’re dreaming about your crush, it’s probably your brain’s way of working through all the ‘what ifs’ about them. I often wonder what it would be like to date my crush, and my dreams do too!
These dreams can be a window into your deepest desires and fears. I’ve dreamed of having the best time with my crush, and I wake up wishing it could be real.
But on the flip side, I’ve also had those not-so-great dreams where things go wrong – maybe I get rejected, and it’s not the best feeling.
So, from my own experience, dreams about a crush can tell you a lot about your feelings towards them, whether it’s longing for a good time together or your worry about being rejected.
It’s all part and parcel of having a crush, and as I’ve found out, dreaming about them is no different.
Does having breakup dreams mean that we or our partner have the desire to end our relationship in the future?
Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, Certified Dream Analyst
It can, but usually you will have an inkling that things are breaking down before you even have the dream, in which case your subconscious is preparing you.
However, if you have a breakup dream that seems to be coming out of nowhere – and this is quite common – it is most likely symbolic of a break in agreement, routine or opinion.
These dreams can happen after an argument or disagreement because the subconscious views it as a rejection. These dreams can also happen when routines change and you and your partner aren’t able to have as much time together as you are used to.
In these cases, the subconscious is expressing sorrow due to the break in routine, not because the relationship is over but because the relationship you are used to is over.
Lisa Lawless, C.E.O. and Founder of Holistic Wisdom
When we dream, we manifest symbolism of the many influences of our minds. They represent our unconscious thoughts and feelings and are usually not literal interpretations of those thoughts and feelings but symbolic ones. Ultimately, a dream is just a dream.
Thus having a dream about a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean that one is on the way. Instead, what it might be signifying is a fear of loss, insecurities, or changes in the relationship.
Think of such a dream as your mind’s teacher, guiding you to face and process the anxiety you may feel in your relationship. Your teacher is providing you with a safe haven to explore these feelings.
You may even engage in conversations with your partner about your fears or anxieties. There’s power in vulnerability and courage in sharing what frightens us with a trusted partner.
Isabel Faye, Relationship Expert and Founder of Twin Flamesly
Breakup dreams often manifest underlying fears, stressors, or vulnerabilities within the relationship. Significant changes, perceived imbalances, or feelings of disconnect between partners might trigger them.
Exploring these dreams with an open mind can lead to constructive dialogues and a better understanding of each other’s needs rather than a signal to end the relationship.
Michelle Giordano, Community Counselor and Outreach Specialist at Live Another Day
Breakup dreams can be a reflection of various emotional processes, such as fear of loss or concerns about the relationship.
However, dreams are complex and symbolic, and their meaning can sometimes be complicated. Having such dreams doesn’t necessarily indicate a desire to end the relationship in reality.
Dr. David Helfand, Licensed Psychologist Specializing In Couples Therapy Retreats
No. It might mean you are anxious about the relationship ending, and it would be a good idea to explore why.
Aliyah Moore, Certified Sex Therapist
I can assure you that having breakup dreams doesn’t necessarily mean that either you or your partner desires to end the relationship in the future.
Dreams are complex and often symbolic, and they’re more often a reflection of your thoughts, feelings, and fears rather than a prediction of the future.
If you’re having dreams about breaking up, it might be that your subconscious mind is trying to process some anxieties, insecurities, or problems in the relationship. For example, you may fear the end of the relationship due to past experiences or issues that you feel need addressing.
In some cases I’ve worked with, a client dreaming of a breakup was dealing with non-relationship issues, like fear of change or loss in other areas of their life. The separation in the dream served as a symbol of those fears.
Are sex dreams good or bad when you are in a relationship?
Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, Certified Dream Analyst
They are neither good nor bad because they are rarely about a physical union you want but more about a psychological union you need. Dreams, by their nature, are symbolic rather than literal, so sex in a dream isn’t about the physical connection but rather symbolic of an emotional or psychological connection.
Typically, whoever your partner is in the dream represents a quality you desire rather than desiring the person. For example, dreaming of having sex with your boss does not mean you desire that person but rather desire their power.
So when you get a sex dream about someone you would normally not find sexually attractive, ask yourself what qualities they do have that you would like to merge into your own personality or life. That is what they represent in the dream.
Lisa Lawless, C.E.O. and Founder of Holistic Wisdom
Sex dreams are not inherently good or bad; they are a natural part of being human. They can provide insight into our subconscious mind, inviting us to delve into scenarios and emotions that may not be expressed in our waking life.
Sexual dreams involving someone who isn’t your significant other are pretty common. These nocturnal narratives do not necessarily imply an intention to bring them into your waking reality or that you are unsatisfied with their relationship.
Our dreams are complex and influenced by various factors. For instance, perhaps you encountered someone during the day who you thought was attractive, or you watched a steamy scene on a show or movie while watching a show or movie before bed.
Remember, our dreamscapes are not necessarily confessionals of what we lack in our lives; they are a world of imagination. Sex dreams may stir a sense of discomfort and be unsettling or confusing, but such dreams are excellent instruments for self-reflection.
For example, should you notice recurring sex dreams about a specific person or scenario, you may have unearthed unfulfilled needs or desires.
If sex dreams are causing you stress or leading to problems in your relationship, it may be helpful to talk to your partner or a counselor who can help you to unpack your emotions and provide strategies for dealing with them.
Remember, we create our own reality through the stories we tell ourselves. Making empowering narratives surrounding our dreams can provide growth and understanding.
It can motivate us to change the things that do not serve us and explore new and rewarding ways of navigating our lives.
Isabel Faye, Relationship Expert and Founder of Twin Flamesly
Sex dreams are a natural and multifaceted part of the human psyche. They can signify a longing for a deeper connection, exploration of fantasies, or even a desire to inject more excitement into a relationship.
Michelle Giordano, Community Counselor and Outreach Specialist at Live Another Day
Sex dreams are a normal part of the dreaming experience and can occur for various reasons, including subconscious desires or simply the brain processing daily experiences.
They aren’t inherently good or bad. It’s important to differentiate between dreams and real-life actions. Open communication with your partner about dreams can foster understanding and trust.
Dr. David Helfand, Licensed Psychologist Specializing In Couples Therapy Retreats
Can be either. You can have a great sex dream about someone else that inspires you to talk with your partner about some kink you want to try in the bedroom.
You can also have an awful sex dream about your partner that helps you understand an insecurity you have been struggling with. Both of those scenarios are useful and can help strengthen your relationship.
Aliyah Moore, Certified Sex Therapist
Sex dreams, whether you’re in a relationship or not, are neither inherently good nor bad. They’re a normal part of human psychology and reflect our subconscious thoughts and desires.
If you’re in a relationship and have sex dreams about your partner, it could reflect your attraction, desire, or deep emotional connection with them. It might also indicate your subconscious mind exploring different aspects of your sexual relationship.
On the other hand, if you’re in a relationship and have sex dreams about someone else, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re unsatisfied in your relationship or desire to be with the other person.
It could be that this other person represents certain qualities or experiences that you’re subconsciously attracted to. Or perhaps, the dream is exploring fantasies, curiosity, or even anxieties.
Closing Thoughts
All the experts shared their viewpoints on the impact of our romantic relationships and love life on our dream world and vice versa.
They believe that dreams provide a canvas for the heart’s unspoken longings; they can play a subtle yet powerful role in shaping the course of our romantic endeavors.
They emphasized that every dream has it’s own interpretation, depending on the emotions, underlying issues or insecurities, etc, of an individual.
